I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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