But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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