So drunk, too bad you don't want this
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
