ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
