i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How does it feel to date your dad?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
