i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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