Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
