I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
