you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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