It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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