Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
