I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
