i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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