I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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