dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
