the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize