I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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