if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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