Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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