Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
