he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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