i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
