I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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