you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
