If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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