i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I touched a dick in church today
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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