Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
