Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
