he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
