he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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