he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
