I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
