no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
