There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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