Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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