you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
