Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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