I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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