everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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