Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
