If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
