so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
