1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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