i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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