Kiss
Puke
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
