I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The struggles of a small town man whore
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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