he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
