Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
