the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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