Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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