Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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