I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
