Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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