Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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