Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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