so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
