I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
