He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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