yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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