apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
