he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
