Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
