yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
