Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
