Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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