saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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