Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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